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Growing up, Christina Ricks Canty’s mother often shared Thanksgiving tales of years gone by, when her own parents would get all dressed up to attend Tennessee State University’s Homecoming festivities on Thanksgiving Day. Back then, the homecoming day would start with a day gathering which would then be followed by the football game, which would be followed by a group Thanksgiving dinner. By the time Canty herself was of age, the homecoming game was no longer on Thanksgiving Day, but the tradition of communal celebration remained.
“When I finally went to The [Thanksgiving] Cocktail Party as a teenager, I got to see a bit of the fun,” recalls Canty fondly. “I remember a beautiful hotel ballroom, fur coats, dancing, table rounds, conversations, and a large band. It was a gathering to look forward to.”
Years later, Canty – now a Washington,DC – based marketing director, wife, and mother of one – makes it a point to host an annual holiday gathering of her own.
Held on the evening before Thanksgiving Day at a lounge or restaurant in the Washington, DC area, each year Canty brings together a cross section of people who all mean something to her: college friends, past and present neighbors, and fellow members of volunteer service organizations. She started her annual “Toast to Friendship” in 2012.
“I was in my early 30s, solidly in early adulthood but not yet in a family unit – and there was no guarantee that I would go that route – so I wanted to create a warm tradition of my own,” Canty said. “It was also a nod to the way I remember my grandparents celebrating Thanksgiving. For my grandparents and their community, Thanksgiving was a time to fellowship with the larger community.”
As we head full swing into the holiday season, gatherings like this one are a welcome way to combat the loneliness that has become so prevalent along people worldwide.
In fact, on November 15th, the World Health Organization declared loneliness a “pressing health threat”, and launched a new commission to foster social connection as a priority in all countries.
But loneliness doesn’t impact all groups equally.
According to one study by Cigna and Morning Consult, loneliness disproportionately impacts people of color. 75% of Hispanic adults and 68% of Black/African mAmerican adults are classified as lonely compared to 58% of the total adult population.
Ryane LeCesne is an executive coach and career strategist at Inspire Brand Consulting. She lives in Detroit Michigan and works with busy high-achieving clients of color across the country. In her line of work, Lecesne sees firsthand how a lack of connection can impact personal and career outcomes.
“Belonging is a primal need for human existence, and when that’s overlooked , when that’s not nurtured, what happens to a person? The studies show that it’s loneliness that happens,” she says.
LeCesne advises for folks to check in with how they’re feeling about themselves first and get reflective.
Ryane LeCesne of Inspire Brand Consulting
Inspire Brand Consulting
“Check in with how you’re feeling, what you’re doing, and how you’re relating to yourself and let that be the first barometer by asking yourself “How am I feeling? Am I feeling isolated? Am I feeling lonely? Am I well with myself? Am I feeling burnt out?”
Once you’re clear on where you are in relation to yourself, LeCesne says the next step is to examine what’s getting in the way of your connection to yourself and to others while recognizing this is a season of life where you may be prone to overwhelm.
“What do you do with the bombardment of parenthood, bombardment of work? We’re always bleeding together and we are left exhausted,” she said.
The holidays are a natural point of the year to take stock of relationships and shore up personal connections.
But that’s not the only time.
For Atlanta-based consultant and entrepreneur Kailei Carr, building community and connection is a year-round affair. Carr is the CEO and Founder of The Beyonding Community of ‘purpose-driven, high-achieving women who are all on a journey towards greater wellbeing and self-actualization.’ Carr founded the community in 2020 during the pandemic. Initially a 3-month experience with experts, coaches, and storytellers, she says it was meant to spark individual healing, growth, and support during a tumultuous time.
“We were meeting every other week during that time frame and I felt really strongly that we needed to have an online platform to keep us connected in between sessions,” said Carr. “As context, the majority of the women in the initial program were Black women, and the first session took place during a weekend of protests surrounding George Floyd’s murder. After that initial program was over in August 2020, the women in the program asked if we could keep the community as it had been a lifeline for so many during that time. What was clear was that these highly successful women were pouring into everyone one around them and had nothing left to give.”
Carr shared that the informal community gave the women gathered permission to finally receive care and get to know other women who were just like them. So in January 2021, she formalized it as a membership community to create a safe space for her members. In September 2022, she hosted the first in-person Beyonding Retreat in Arizona. According to Carr, there are currently close to 100 members located in the U.S. and the Caribbean.
“We are not meant to be in isolation,” Carr continued. “During the pandemic, many of us got comfortable with being in our own bubbles, which was necessary to protect our physical health, but has had long-term impact on social connection. Social connection is core to us being human.”
For Canty, intentionally connecting with others is a critical way to build her safety net. As an only child, she sees her social connections as the second family she’ll lean on as she ages. She recommends that for those looking to kick off a similar tradition of connection in their own lives, start with what’s authentic to you.
“Think about how you want to connect with people – what spaces feel warm and inviting to you – and start there,” she advised. “By all means, if you love the holidays too and like the community of local bars (think “Cheers”) start a Thanksgiving-Eve Toast to Friendship in your community and don’t recreate the wheel.”
Or you can start an annual tradition centered around your hobbies and interests.
“If you are feeling disconnected, think about how you can organically be a connector by starting with what moves you,” Canty went on to say. “Engage people who want to do the things that you do. You could start a holiday run club and run through the city and end at a local watering hole owned by a small business owner and toast to the freedom to move. Whatever feels authentic to you, do that and make it a recurring thing to give people something to look forward to.”
When coaching women to build their networks, LeCesne recommends a similar strategy.
“Actually put things on your calendar and commit to social events,” added LeCesne, even during the busy holiday season. “Make that a priority,” she shared.
Prioritizing connection is especially critical during midlife.
Carr explains.
“What we’ve seen for women who are in a midlife season, with job and caregiving responsibilities plus the pressures of our communities and the world as a whole, having meaningful relationships and support is critical to our well-being,” she said.
“It is counterintuitive when we feel overwhelmed, but what I’ve seen is that the outcomes lead to more support, decreased overwhelm, and [the] perspective that allows us to build resilience and keep going.”
Carr says she’s determined to continue creating spaces for women to connect even when it’s hard. There’s just too much at stake.
“Research shows that feelings of loneliness and isolation decrease our lifespans,” Carr said.
“So this is literally life or death.”
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