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There is a reason that many of us watch predictable holiday movies on Hallmark, Lifetime, and all the streaming services this time of year: the drama on screen never comes close to the stress we feel in real life. The plotline is wrapped in a neat little bow by the movie’s end. Meanwhile, in our real lives, it’s the most emotionally charged time of the year. But what if the real problem is how we are reacting?
According to a recent article in the journal Emotion, one of the issues may be that we judge ourselves too harshly when negative emotions occur, especially during the holidays. Anger, disappointment, and anxiety are natural responses to things happening around us. But when we judge those feelings as negative reactions that are bad or wrong, we are more likely to feel anxiety and become depressed. Those who accept that emotions are normal parts of life don’t have the same adverse reactions. One of the authors, Emily Wilroth, assistant professor of Psychology & Brain Sciences at Washington University in St. Louis, said that we can learn much from how we react if we pay attention.
“For example, sadness signals to other people that we need their support; fear can protect us from risky situations; and anger can help us stand up for ourselves and others.”
But even when we accept that negative emotions occur in our lives. Researchers stress that it doesn’t equal agreement with the actions or situations that led up to it. Taking steps to alleviate the factors that stress us out is necessary. And it’s far better than fuming over an issue for days.
So, when feelings become overwhelming, ask these questions: How serious is this? Am I judging my reaction too harshly? What action do I need to take to change the situation? How can I give myself grace, move on, and enjoy the holidays?
While holiday music may have overtaken your playlist, perhaps adding a Bobby McFerrin (Don’t Worry Be Happy) or Pharrell Williams (Happy) could be a reminder. Or tune into those movies for a little escapism.
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