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When someone we love is diagnosed with cervical cancer, we are often not sure of the best ways to support them. Our loved ones are often so inundated with information and emotions that they’re unsure what will help. Tamika Felder, cervical cancer survivor and founder of Cervivor, a non-profit patient advocacy group, offers these suggestions to support your mom, sibling, friend, or family member:
Be Present.
Don’t worry about what you will say to your friend or family member. Start by showing up for them. She may or may not want to discuss their diagnosis, but follow her cues. If she wants to sit in silence, get comfortable with that. But begin by watching and listening to her.
Don’t Try to Be a Medical Expert.
Once she has decided on a treatment plan, “don’t go to Dr. Google and tell them to drink all the garlic, oregano, oil, and other stuff,” Felder says. “I believe in that stuff, too. But I also believe in chemo, radiation, and all that. When an individual decides how they want to be treated, and it really is their decision, you have to support it as a loved one.”
Take Her to a Rage Room (or Set One Up Yourself).
She may be feeling angry and helpless after receiving a cancer diagnosis. Allow her to express her frustration by booking a rage room. In these rooms, participants (who wear protective goggles, gloves, and a hard hat) get to express their anger by smashing, breaking, and crushing everything in the area for between 15 and 20 minutes (price varies based on the number of people). You can also set up a spot in your backyard with items she can break, protective gear, and a baseball bat. It won’t solve all her woes, but it will provide a cathartic release.
Set Up a Meal Train.
Food may be the last thing she is thinking about when your friend or family is managing a cervical cancer diagnosis and treatment. But she must eat, and if she has children and a spouse/significant other, they could also benefit from a meal train. A meal train is now a technology-assisted version of what our community has been doing forever: providing food for those experiencing challenges. In this case, you can get together with her family and friends to organize meals for her during recovery and treatments. Two free sites that will help you get started are mealtrain.com and takethemameal.com.
Give Her PJs With a Purpose.
One of Felder’s favorite suggestions is KickIt Pajamas. The collections designed for cancer patients’ hospital stays, treatment, and recovery have functional elements like front wrap closures, snap sleeves, and interior pockets and are made from soft cotton fabric. Choose from gowns, pajamas, capes, wraps and accessories.
Don’t Forget to Check On Your Strong Friend With Cancer.
Your girl, mom, or sibling may say she has everything under control but don’t assume that is the case. Make a habit of checking on her. She is used to doing it all, but you can look for ways to lighten her load with cleaning or laundry services, for example.
Know That Her Journey Continues After Treatment.
Cancer is a gift wrapped in barbed wire, a therapist once told Felder. “The gift is coming out on the other side, leaving you feeling like a worn puzzle piece. After you’ve played with the puzzle countless times, the pieces never fit together the same way,” she explains. And once your loved one is finished with treatment, don’t assume everything will return to normal. “We’re done with treatment, but treatment isn’t done with us. It sometimes takes months to a year for the residual effects of that chemotherapy and radiation to be out of our bodies.” Your loved one may have secondary concerns, including GI issues, and move slower than she used to.
Please check out Cervivor.org for more support resources.
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