Prejudice and Medical Gaslighting – The Good Men Project

I have experienced medical gaslighting. The worst case occurred when I was only in my 20s. I had an infection that might have killed me if I weren’t diagnosed in time, yet the doctor I originally went to, who was Indian (like myself) didn’t take it seriously. Not once, but twice.

The first time he sent me away, I figured — he’s the doctor. He knows what he’s doing. But I didn’t get better, I got worse.

When I went back to him, I could tell he was impatient. I tried to explain that the medication he’d prescribed had not worked but he quickly left after prescribing some more.

But I got even worse. I was driving home when I had to pull over because I couldn’t see the road. It swam in a haze in front of me and I called a friend to pick me up. He immediately rushed me to his doctor, a white, blond man who took the time to run some tests. I was running 104 fever. The doctor correctly diagnosed me, and might have saved my life.

Which just goes to show — stereotypes are crap. I have gotten both excellent and horrible care from doctors of all races. In my personal experience, however, I’ve found women doctors to be better when it came to taking my symptoms seriously and listening to me.

If you are brown (or black, or white) just having a doctor of the same skin color doesn’t necessarily mean you will get better treatment. And, my experience aside, neither does being of the same gender.

The reality is that, regardless of what your doctor looks like, if you are a financially secure white man in this country, you will get better medical care than if you are any of the following:

If you are a black or indigenous woman who is also poor — you have the full trifecta that can lead to medical gaslighting. This is where you know something is wrong with you, but the doctor refuses to take you seriously.

This conclusion is not just based on my own experiences and those of friends, it’s also based on actual research:

To the last point — people sometimes brush this off by blaming the lifestyles that seem to accompany poverty. “They” eat bad diets, or “they” drink too much — never mind that the poor often don’t have access to organic kale and may indulge in other bad habits due to despair.

Also, those who judge the poor are often hypocrites. The rich snort cocaine and get away with it while a poor person might end up in jail for having weed.

The prejudice doesn’t just infuse law enforcement. It’s also a part of the medical field, and is one reason that the poor are more likely to die young. It’s the reason that rich white men get the best medical care while poor black women’s needs are ignored.

I have seen this play out with friends of mine as well as with myself.

A black female friend was suffering from a medical condition for YEARS before someone finally properly diagnosed her. Another friend of mine, who was white, did not get the drugs she needed during a brutal childbirth, despite begging for help. She is white, but she was also poor at the time, and obviously female.

So, what do you do if you are a woman, someone of color, or poor? How do you get better medical treatment?

For myself, I addressed the issue by:

• Seeing doctors as servants, not superiors. After all, I was the one hiring them.
• Advocating for myself. Once I realized it was their job to provide the care I needed, I became more bold about this.
• Having a friend or relative with me when I could not stand up for my needs due to being too weak
• Being quick to change doctors if I was unsatisfied
• Doing research when picking a doctor
• Doing my own research when it came to my medical condition

That last has really changed the quality of treatment I receive. The first time I had cancer, about 20 years ago, I did a ton of research and when my oncologist at the time offered up the “standard procedures”, which included a total mastectomy, I told him that was unacceptable.

I pointed out that men with testicular cancer are seldom told they MUST remove their sacks. The doctor got an astonished look, but then he looked thoughtful. He suggested we try a different oncology drug that might do the job without requiring my breasts be removed.

The fact is — doctors treat patients badly because we allow it. While a doctor should be respected due to the high IQ and hard work necessary to receive that MD, at the same time, we are responsible for our own bodies. If we are not willing to advocate for ourselves — who will do it?

While I wish I could wave a magic wand and get rid of prejudice and medical gaslighting, the reality is that we live in a fallen world where we sometimes encounter obstacles based simply on our appearance. Advocating for ourselves so we can get the medical care we need is an extra burden some of us face, but we are strong and we can do it.

I am fighting stage IV cancer. If you can help with medical bills, I would really appreciate it. Or if you enjoy my writing and would like to buy me a cup of coffee, that’s great too. Maybe someday I can return the favor.

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This post was previously published on Shefali O’Hara’s blog.

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