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Toppel is chief operating officer at Jewish Family Service of San Diego, a licensed clinical social worker in California and the founder of Make Work Work for Moms. She lives in Del Cerro.
Wow, it is 2023. We made it. A new year means we all have various intentions and resolutions.
As a mother, a clinical social worker, a disruptor for good and a person who has been impacted by losing close family and friends to suicide, my resolution is to speak up more, to share my story and experiences and to ask others to do the same when it comes to mental wellness, brain health and suicide.
Many of us were shocked and saddened by the death of Stephen “tWitch” Boss this month. The loss of someone who on the surface was filled with joy, laughter and love highlights the stark fact that so many who are struggling do so silently. His death and the loss of many others to suicide is a call to action for all of us to mobilize around creating a community of wellness that includes normalizing the sharing of struggles and promotes individuals being their authentic selves.
As a mother of an energetic and hopeful 11-year-old boy, I was saddened to see that the suicide rates of 10- to 18-year-olds, mostly males, increased 20 percent in 2020 compared to the previous year. Especially given that rates fell for other age groups during the same time. It is unclear how much the COVID-19 pandemic played a role in this rise given that teen mental health, specifically anxiety and depression, was already a public health challenge.
In December 2021, U.S. Surgeon General Vivek H. Murthy warned that, “Even before the pandemic, an alarming number of young people struggled with feelings of helplessness, depression, and thoughts of suicide.”
So what do we do? How can we all stand up to these unacceptable statistics? Here are a handful of suggestions:
Communicate with and listen to the young people in your life. Ask how their heart is doing. Express that you care and want to hear about the good days and the bad days. Notice when they seem sad or withdrawn and ask them about it. Be prepared to listen to them versus solving their problem.
Take their words seriously and explore their feelings. Especially as young people move into their teenage years, it is easy to dismiss some of what they say as teenage drama, but it is important to tune in and listen. Ask questions and have a conversation with empathy and understanding.
Normalize seeking mental health treatment. Seeing a therapist is still something that many people feel embarrassed about or resistant to share. The more we share our stories of engaging with mental health and wellness counselors and services the more our young people see this is as important and as “normal” as seeing a doctor for a physical reason.
Reflect on how you are participating in fostering bias and gender stereotypes and speak up when you see them. My son came into this world loving pink and all things glitter. I can’t remember when it started although it is a constant topic of conversation. And as I have watched him get older, it is clear how he is more aware of gender stereotypes and expectations. Simple things like the cashier at the toy store assuming the glittery doll is “for his sister” or the dentist offering him a blue truck versus the cute pink wallet from the toy chest. These things seem silly compared to gender socialization that teaches boys not to cry or show their feelings although it all adds up and has an impact on our kids.
Reflect on how you are participating in fostering bias and racial stereotypes. Racism has a major impact on mental health and wellness. In 2019, the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services found suicide was the leading cause of death for African Americans from the ages of 15 to 24 and the death rate for Black men was four times greater than for Black women. Building and investing in culturally competent and accessible systems of care is a definite must do. As we do that, each of us must also reflect on how we are participating in systems that perpetuate racial trauma and racism — and call it out when we see it.
So are you ready to add one more intention to the list of your new year’s commitments? The future of our young people depends on it.
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