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A few weeks ago, I was scrolling through YouTube and saw actress Kellee Stewart’s guest segment on the “Sherri Shepherd Show.” She was discussing something I hadn’t seen anyone else share so candidly — her reason for freezing her eggs. I’ll admit that I haven’t been in many rooms with Black women who’ve openly shared about freezing their eggs, but when I have, I’ve heard reasons like, “I want to make sure I don’t run out of time,” or “I’m not ready to be a parent yet and want to have options.”
Kelley’s transparency on what made her freeze her eggs stopped me dead in my tracks.
“I gave my best baby-making years to the wrong man,” she said when asked what made her make the decision. She owned her story without blaming her ex and with no anger in her voice, just a woman boldly sharing her story with the world. Little did I know I’d be in contact with her soon to discuss her fertility journey, and while she wasn’t angry, she was filled with emotion and used that realization as fuel to take charge of her reproductive future.
“When I gave away my best baby-making years to the wrong relationship, I was definitely bewildered. I wasn’t angry. I wasn’t sad. I was frustrated that I hadn’t taken control of my fertility future sooner. We learned sex education in school, but we’re not taught reproductive health. So knowing that we’re born with as many eggs as we’re ever going to have, I never even investigated. Was there any type of fertility testing to give me an idea of what my ovarian reserve was before that seven-year relationship came to an end? So at 37, when we broke up on a Sunday, by Wednesday, there was a fertility doctor in the gap of my thigh because I wanted to know, did I still have the ability to go through cryopreservation and preserve my potential fertility?”
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As a woman of faith, Stewart prayed immediately. “I said, God if this is you, it will flow. All puns intended it will flow. And they said to me we would love to do a consultation, but you need to be on your cycle. I happened to be on my cycle. They asked me what day I was on my cycle, and it happened to fit into the window that I would need to be on it for them to do a fertility diagnostic test. That’s when I knew this was God. I went to the clinic on that Wednesday and got the ultrasound, the blood test, to learn about my fertility health, and you can take an AMH or an FSH test to get an understanding of where you stand in your ovarian reserve. I knew nothing of that while I was laying on that table. All I knew was that I wanted to be a mom, and I wanted somebody to tell me that there was still a possibility.”
From that doctor’s appointment, Stewart went through the egg retrieval process immediately and retrieved 32 eggs, of which 29 were viable and successfully frozen. That said, the eggs that she retrieved aren’t the average for her age range as there as underlying conditions that impact fertility, such as PCOS, endometriosis, and fibroids, that disproportionately affect Black women. Statistics aside, we shouldn’t lead with fear. We should lead with knowledge and take control of our reproductive journeys as Kellee did.
Today the “Chicago Med” star is one of the leading voices in the infertility space, encouraging women to educate themselves on their ovarian reserve and celebrate the journey to parenthood, even if that journey doesn’t look like what you thought it would initially.
“When I found out that I was a good candidate to freeze my eggs, I called my mother. I flew her in from Philadelphia, and we went through the 10 to 14-day process of injections and retrieval together. As soon as we hugged, she said, ‘So we’re about to freeze my future grandchildren.’”
I documented it through video so I would have this to show her future grandchildren one day, and we made it as fun as we possibly could. One of the things that my mother would always say to me was, if you’re on a diet and you eat a chocolate chip cookie, don’t be mad about how many more hours on the treadmill that’s going to cost you. Eat it with joy. My mother taught me if we have to do this, if your life circumstances haven’t lined up the way you want them to, then let’s do it with joy. So we found ways to make this fun by videotaping it, through going out to dinner every night, and I bought my mother a ring that was in the shape of an egg.
We found ways to commemorate this moment together. We journaled together. And I actually did it over the Christmas holiday. This was my Christmas present to myself and to her future grandchildren. But yes, it was emotional. We prayed, we cried, we laughed. I felt vulnerable at times because my mother had had both of her children and was married by the time she was 37. And here I was, a single woman looking at her to help me have just a piece of what she had had. And I even mourned with her the fact that it didn’t happen the way I always thought it would be. There were some hard conversations because there was a divide between me trying to explain to her what this felt like versus her not knowing how scary this really is. Even though this was a place of encouragement and support for her, I’m still looking at a mother. Even though she’s my mother, I desire to be where she is, a mother. So there were parts of this that she could relate to as a woman, but some parts of it she couldn’t relate to as a woman that desperately wants children and is finding herself taking injections and going through IVF just for the possibility, not even the guarantee.”
In addition to IVF not being a guarantee, Kellee admits that the cost isn’t exactly affordable, as a New York Times report shows that in general, a single cycle of egg freezing, including ultrasound monitoring and doctor supervision, can cost around $4,500 to $8,000. Leading with her faith and autonomy, it’s a decision she doesn’t regret.
“It’s a purchase that I will never go back to the counter and return. I will never ask for my money back, a refund or an exchange. This was an investment in my future. This was the first thing that I was doing for my future family and for myself. I wanted to know that I did everything I could possibly do to secure the insurance and the possibility of having a child in the future. Also, the fight needs to be that it’s not that it’s expensive, but that it’s not covered by insurance. If we’re always talking about the expense, we’re looking at the roadblock, and we’re not looking at the real problem. We’re just looking at the symptom of the problem.”
As the real problem is the lack of accessibility and the need for insurance coverage for for infertility treatment and cryopreservation.
Heavy emotions and all, Stewart shared that she realizes how supported she was by her mother and how many people go on this journey alone. Wanting the millions of people challenged with infertility to feel celebrated and seen, she did something about it. Alongside Evite, Stewart launched a new parenthood journey invitation category to honorEgg Showers (trademarked by Stewart), IVF showers, rainbow baby showers, and adoption celebrations!
“I thought about the many baby showers that I’ve gone to over the years and all of the money that I’ve spent. I also thought about how triggering it is when I get a baby shower invitation because I’m still on the journey to that. And though I’m happy to celebrate friends, family members, and coworkers that are having children, I’m honest enough with myself to know that it hurts sometimes to feel so far behind the curve that it hasn’t happened yet. So I thought about, how do I combat that? How do I change the narrative? How do I tell a different story? The baby shower tradition was born in the U.S. in the 1950s, during the baby boom era. So for 70-plus years, we’ve been showering expecting mothers, which is a beautiful thing. But since the beginning of time, people have been infertile. Millions of people are challenged by infertility. And I had to ask, why isn’t there a shower for us? Why isn’t there a shower for the brave steps that people take to become a parent? Whether that’s IVF, whether that’s adoption, whether that’s suffering through loss after loss, whether that’s surrogacy, or whether that’s preparing for the future by freezing your eggs?”
Tradition needed to change, said Stewart with a smile as she beamed with excitement about this new partnership. “I felt that my journey deserves a shower too so I threw an Egg Shower! Then I partnered with fertility clinics across the U.S. to throw egg showers to help normalize the conversation. It’s time for new celebrations, and I can’t wait to see all the showers that come out of the parenthood journey category.”
For more information on Kellee Stewart and her fertility advocacy, follow her on Instagram and be sure to check out her new Evite parenthood journey category!
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