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Writer and attorney Jodi M. Savage always wanted to be an author, and she had someone in her corner encouraging her to do just that: her maternal grandmother, who was known as Granny. With her own mother often in the throes of a battle with addiction, Jodi found herself in her Pentecostal preacher Granny’s Brooklyn, New York, home, where love was abundant. That life took a turn, however, when a 28-year-old Jodi found herself becoming Granny’s caretaker and navigating the devastating effects that Alzheimer’s disease would end up having on one of her most beloved family members.
Savage is now 45 years old, and her debut essay collection, The Death of a Jaybird: Essays on Mothers and Daughters and the Things They Leave Behind, is candid and impactful with writing that balances both wit and sadness. She examines the grief associated with losing her grandmother and her mother (who, along with Jodi herself, would end up being diagnosed with breast cancer nearly a decade later), the incredible bond between mothers and daughters, and the complex set of circumstances one must navigate as a modern Black woman. It is a heartfelt and poignant debut that firmly stamps the author’s entry into the literary landscape.
Shondaland recently caught up with Savage to discuss the book, the devastating loss of her mother and grandmother, being a Black woman in today’s America, what’s next for her, and so much more.
SCOTT NEUMYER: Can you tell me a little bit about the beginnings of this book? When did you know this would be the book you would write, and why was this the right one for you?
JODI M. SAVAGE: I have known for more than 11 years that this would be a book. I originally wanted to write a book on caregiving and caring for my grandmother, who had Alzheimer’s disease. I wanted to talk about what that journey was like, especially as Black women and as poor women, because there weren’t a lot of books that were written on that topic. So, even before my grandmother passed away, I was writing. After she passed away, I would go to Starbucks after work every day and work on it, so I had a lot of material. That material changed over the years, but then somewhere along the way, probably four or five years ago, I just could not finish that memoir about Alzheimer’s disease. By that time, I had published a few essays, but I just couldn’t finish the book, and a friend of mine said to me, “Jodi, it’s okay if you don’t want to write a memoir about Alzheimer’s disease. It is okay if you don’t want to finish that book. You can do another book.” So, I kind of put that idea down because I realized I really wanted to write about grief. I wanted to explore my own different losses, how I’ve navigated loss, how the women in my family have navigated loss, and how it changes us. That’s really what I wanted to write about.
SN: It was almost like you needed someone to give you permission to let go of that other book.
JMS: Yes, absolutely. And it was so funny because I think oftentimes we need that external permission. But I think sometimes as writers we want to write the book that we think people want to read, or that we think is marketable. And so for a long time, I thought, “Well, you know, that’s the book that we’ll sell because it’s a popular topic, and there aren’t a lot of books about Black folks and Alzheimer’s disease.” And I remember a few years ago, I went to a literary conference, and they had the option where you can meet with literary agents, and they can review your work with you.
SN: Yes! It’s like speed dating for literary agents.
JMS: Exactly. So, I did a session and submitted my query letter, and the query letter that I wrote was [about] a memoir about Alzheimer’s disease, but when I was talking to one of the literary agents, the book that I was discussing with her was this essay collection. And she was like, “Well, that’s not here. That’s not on the page.” So, I think sometimes we need that validation from other people, but also we need to just genuinely write the book that we want to write, as opposed to what we think is marketable or what we think will sell, because our readers will be there, or our market will be there. That was really important for me to learn.
SN: You had been writing essays and publishing stories and pieces in major publications for a while. Had you been approached before about putting something bigger and longer together?
JMS: I had been approached by literary agents right after “Searching for Salvation at Antioch” was published in Kweli Journal, but I just didn’t feel ready. It wasn’t the right time. It seemed like it was going to be rushed. I was beginning to think about an essay collection, but looking back now, that book would not have been as good and as impactful as the book I ultimately wrote. Sometimes you just need to wait, and you need to do a little bit more living, or in my case, I’ve done a lot more living. The world has changed. The world is so different than it was, you know, even when that thing came out a few years ago.
SN: What is the feeling that you have right now as you’re on the cusp of the book’s release? Does it feel satisfying and like an accomplishment, or is there a little bit of sadness because your mother and your Granny aren’t around to see it?
JMS: It is bittersweet because this book is something they wanted to happen. My grandmother always encouraged my writing. Even when I was in high school, she would tell me, “You need to write your story and send it to Oprah.” [Laughs.] She just always encouraged my writing. She was my first reader, and so, to not have her here is sad. And also, a few weeks before my mother passed away, she just said to me out of the blue, “I want you to help me tell my story,” which was so strange because she didn’t even read my own essays. I didn’t even know she had an interest in storytelling and writing and telling her story, but she really felt that her story could help a lot of other women.
SN: It’s pretty amazing that you were able to tell her story along with yours and your Granny’s story.
JMS: Even while she was still alive, within the last few months of her life, I would tell her things that I found out from reading Granny’s diary or things that I found out from reading my Granny’s letters. So, it was satisfying to be able to tell her a part of her story that she didn’t even know, and then after she passed away, to then help tell her story in all of its complexity. I know they are not physically here, but I feel some comfort in being able to tell their stories.
SN: If Granny were still here and saw you going out doing readings from this book, what do you think she would say to you now?
JMS: She would start clapping and speaking in tongues out in public [laughs]. I think she would look with pride and say, “Wow.” I remember a few months before she passed away, you know, because she had Alzheimer’s, she would have moments of lucidity, and she’d go in and out, and she looked at me and said, “How old are you?” And so, I told her. I think I was 30 or 31 at the time. She said, “Wow, I’ve known you that long? Wow.” The love … She was a great reader.
SN: Your voice is so strong in this as well. You have this ability to combine something dark and difficult like this with an ever-so-slight bit of levity and humor. It makes the work incredibly relatable and turns darkness into light in a way. Can you talk a little bit about your ability to walk that fine line between the seriousness of the subject and the humor?
JMS: I am naturally sort of a jokester. I naturally find humor in things, and sometimes you do need to laugh to keep from crying. But I also think it helps to lighten things because I think sometimes we really do take ourselves really seriously, and maybe too seriously. Sometimes things are just downright funny and sad and tragic all at the same time. Just as a craft choice, it also helps to make things easier on the reader, as well as making it easier for me. When you’re writing, you are reliving all of those things. Some things I hadn’t thought about in years; some things I was still sort of working through were still fresh. When I was writing the essay “I’m Too Pretty to Die Tonight,” I was writing that as my mother was dying and as I was going through treatment, and so that humor helped to balance that out.
SN: I have zero experience in the department of what it’s like to be a Black woman. As a middle-class white dude from central Jersey, I have all the privilege in the world. But this book makes me feel as if I now have a little bit more insight into the difficulties of being a Black woman and particularly a Black woman in America. Obviously, this country’s history is fraught. I can’t imagine that there has ever been a quote-unquote “good” time to be a Black woman in America. But I wonder how you, as a Black woman, feel about the moment we’re living in versus the moment you may have been living in as a child or the moment your mother or your Granny may have lived through. Do you sense a difference, a change, or any semblance of hope for a different future?
JMS: I am always cautiously hopeful because the challenges are different. I think the world is definitely a more hospitable place in a lot of ways than it was for my grandmother. And so, I’ve had a lot of opportunities to live out my dream that my grandmother did not. Looking back at my grandmother’s writing, she probably would have loved to have been a writer and … had the privilege of sitting in an MFA program, but the world was very different for her. So, she was a home health worker and cared for children. And even by the time my mother came along, the world was very different. It was the ’60s, but there was the heroin, and then crack cocaine, epidemics. So, New York City, and the world, was very different. Just from reading Granny’s letters that were written in the ’70s, when my mother was a child, it was like reading a history book or reading a newspaper article from that time. I think, in a lot of ways, the world has opened up, and there are a lot more opportunities, but we can also die while having children. To have children is risking our lives. We can die at the hands of the police. We can die because doctors don’t listen to us when we say we’re in pain or can’t breathe. And so, in many ways, the world has found more advanced ways to make life difficult for Black people and more advanced ways to kill and be inhospitable to Black women.
SN: You’re an attorney, a writer, and now an author with a published book. Do you think you’ll continue working as an attorney, or is your goal to write full-time?
JMS: My goal is definitely to write full-time, so I’m trying to figure out how to make that happen. It’s something that I have always wanted to do. I’ve always wanted to be a writer, but I thought, “Well, being a lawyer is more practical. It’s the more responsible thing to do.” And so, writing is the first thing I’ve done where it is just for me, because I want to do it, so that is really gratifying. I just want to figure out how I can do more of that and do it full-time. Because when you love something so much, and you feel like that is your calling, and that is your purpose, and your way of making a contribution to the world, everything else seems like an intrusion or a disruption. I’m trying to find that balance.
SN: Do you feel like you’ve found your place in the nonfiction, personal-essay area, or do you think you have a fiction book in you as well?
JMS: I admire fiction writers so much. I find writing fiction to be so difficult. I think there’s just a level of play and imagination that I definitely want to explore, but I’m also interested in exploring playwriting, actually. I definitely want to branch out into that genre. I think there are a lot of things I write about in my essays that would be great onstage.
SN: What is the best advice you’ve ever received?
JMS: My grandmother used to always say this: “Never esteem anyone higher than yourself.” Just instilling self-confidence. So, when I doubt myself, I remember that. She just kept telling me that ever since I was a little girl.
Scott Neumyer is a writer from central New Jersey whose work has been published by The New York Times, The Washington Post, Rolling Stone, The Wall Street Journal, ESPN, GQ, Esquire, The Boston Globe, AARP, Parade magazine, and many more publications. You can follow him @scottneumyer.
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